I've been going through a pretty rough time as of late. My mind has literally been a minefield. I've been dealing with apathy, anxiety, self doubt, self deprecation and some other pretty bad things which apparently all point to one thing. What triggered this? I have my theories but nothing I can pin point and say "THAT is the reason I'm feeling like this".
For those of you who haven't experienced apathy before just be glad you haven't. Over the last few months my apathy has grown from simply not being enthused about anything to literally being void of emotion. I put a smile on and pretend everything is fine but beneath I feel far from OK. Feeling worthless and that you're insignificant is something almost everyone will go through but that coupled with no regard for your own well being is a dangerous combination. Today, however has been a good day. The sun has been shining and for the first time in a long time I was up quite early and not feeling like shit. I spent most of my day hanging out with my best friend just messing around (he started drinking at 10, what a soldier). Going outside refreshed me and helped put things into perspective. I still feel a lot of apathy towards almost every aspect of my life, but something about the sun shining put me in as good as mood you can be in when you don't really feel emotion. I just have to hope that it gets better from here on out.
Apologies for the vent but sometimes writing things down just helps clear my head.
Peace, love and harmony.
-- Tom RDD