That's right. I've done the unthinkable and gone back to Myspace. Remember that? The thing before facebook and the thing that was just that much better than bebo (whatever that was). So why did I go back and spend a good 30 minutes editing my profile so it relates to the person I am now? I guess it just reminds me of a time in my life where things were different. The last time I went on myspace and actually edited the thing was back in 2008 when I was still at Kent Uni. I read through all the stuff I had written about myself and wondered if that was actually who I am now. Well a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. I would like to think I have grown up in the two years since I last looked at it. The most obvious change I can think of is my music taste. It has swayed ever so slightly to include rock n' roll, folk, jazz, indie and other things. I have always been and still am to an extent very closed minded when it comes to music. I was very adamant (and still am) that mainstream music was/ is killing the independent scene, for instance I used to hate indie because it was the "in thing" and I saw it as having something to do with the demise of the Brighton ska scene. But in all honesty if kids need to follow a trend to feel they belong that's their curse.
When I look at what I've written about myself it's slightly harder to judge how I've changed. Deep down I know I am still the same caring person who is passionate about the people I love and the art I create. But I no longer think I am as optimistic as I used to be. Growing older has made me more cynical, more questioning about peoples motives and less trusting. I look at the friends who have come and gone over the last few years of my life and think they have a lot to do with this. The people I have known have help shape me. The good friends have reminded me that people are inherently good and will come to your aid in a time of need, be with you through the good and the bad and I will forever love them for that. Others however have shown me that humans are also incredibly selfish creatures. Of course I should see the good in people, there have been more good friends than bad but it's the hurt that sticks with me. The pain they've caused stays with me and will do for months/ years to come. In ways it has been a good thing. It has meant I have written some music I am incredibly proud of but at the same time it has hurt me beyond explanation and for some reason I still can't let go. Call it petty but I will always remember how people have hurt me and I don't forgive easily and I don't forget.
I look back on who I used to be and who I am now. I have changed. Somethings have changed for the better and some things have changed for the worst. I would like to think I have learnt from my mistakes, that the good and the bad have shaped me into the person I see in the mirror every day. Change is the natural progression of life and it's who is by your side when you change and how they help shape that change that really matters.
-- Tom RDD